urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:77celtic7777celtic7777celtic7777celtic772009-07-17T17:48:47Zurn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:77celtic77:903Why the heck!?2009-07-17T17:48:47Z2009-07-17T17:48:47ZLast night went horrible! It started off fine. My friend helped me with my hair and we had a silly conversation about how wea re like on our period. It was just good girl talk basically. On the way there in the car everyone was in a conversation. I just kept quiet. My nerves were setting in. I rarely get out of the house anymore. I am one big contradiction. I want ti get out and do stuff, but i am to scared. It is getting to a horrible point. The movie theatre was not packed and we were able to breeze on up to the place where the tickets are sold very quickly. We found seats and I just cracked several jokes. It was like my desperate attempt to hide my insecurities in the situation.<br /><br />Now is the hard part. The lights went dim and on came Harry potter. I felt trapped sitting there. I just can't sit still for that long. It is not like I have restless leg syndrome. There is just way to much on my mind to focus and I don't need mental meds. The only thing I wanted to do was vomit it all away as disgusting as it sounds. I just was freaking out. It is almost like costraphobia. I text one of my friends who is two seats down from me and tell her i had to go. I ran to the bathroom as quick as I could. I just couldn't calm down.<br /><br />There was to many people in the bathroom too. It was overwhelming. I couldn't do anything. I went outside and basically went home. Everyone was texting me asking if I was okay. I told them the truth. I was not. Then to make things even worse I got into an argument later that night on the phone. To make a long story short it ended with extreme emotional distress. The whole night I was fighting so many urges. I was trying so hard not to do something stupid. <br /><br />*Sighs* Ugh! Why the heck does everything have to be so darn confusing and annoying!urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:77celtic77:638Movie Night Oh My2009-07-16T18:53:04Z2009-07-16T18:53:04ZWell, tonight I am going out with my girl friends to the movies and I am nervous. I don't really like going out to be honest. I never know how to dress or how to act. I worry about how I look. I guess this is because of my eating disorder. I still struggle every day. My friends know it too. I am very open about my eating disorder and I don't mind if people know. It is something other people struggle with too. It is one of those things wher if I can help another in some way it is worth saying. The movies are triggering to me and not in a good way. I get really antsy when I sit for to long and since we will be watching the new Harry potter movie I worry I will run straight to the bathroom. I tend to escape into my mind to much when I am alone or have nothing to do.I explained this to my friends and they already knew as one could guess. They told me i didn't have to go, but I do want too. It will be a good challenge for me to win. Besides the movie is only about three hours.... TT _ TT .... *sighs* Oh well time reveals all things. I hope I am alright. <br /><br />Wish me luck